Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Even my vagina gasped.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
