im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
