Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize
