I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
You know, be my cock's hype man.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
