Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize