U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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