i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Randomize
