Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
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