I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Randomize
