two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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