If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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