Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Bring me that man meat
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
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