Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
