thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
can u get pink eye on your cock?
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
