I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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