The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Randomize
