oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
he just fucked me for my cheese.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
