mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
Randomize
