she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Randomize
