We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
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