Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Randomize
