i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
