I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
