the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
