two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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