I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
