I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
how drunk are you?
Several
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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