the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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