I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
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