i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
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