I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize
