Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Pants 0. Shit 1.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Randomize
