I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
