I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Randomize
