So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Randomize
