Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
