I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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