If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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