I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
