Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Randomize
