You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
