Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Randomize
