So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I think your dad took our porno
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
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