if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
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