Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
