im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Holy sore nipples Batman
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
