That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
