Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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