You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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