the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Randomize
