nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
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