T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Randomize
