my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
