i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
