my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
