I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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