What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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