so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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