just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
