I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
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