when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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